Month: July 2016


tanah lahir
Today I was invited to join a Tariqa
Is this an answer of my old dream of community-building? Will this help me to reconnect to my matrilineal ancestors? Am I willing to commit myself to this circle?
Seen this, done that in another lifetime, broke my heart when I had to choose for my own path when it diverged from the common ground.
So I questioned the Ummah: do we share a common vision, do we agree on methods and means?
For sure, I have to reconnect to the times and places when/where I grew up in the years of living dangerously.
I asked the oracle: is this the right path for what I have to do?

The Lady said: ‘Against the driving rain, the traveler returns. Just like a swallow homing to her nest. With clay she builds a rampart to keep out the rain. The rampart falls and is reduced to clay, so all is wasted.’

Comment: It feels like building a house on sand during the rainy season.
I am not so sure about really having a common ground, the grounding seems unreliable.

When asked to do a bonding ritual, it did not feel right to say yes.
Instead I renewed my commitment to my own Path.



Ik beloof trouw aan mezelf,
aan mijn voorouders
gidsen en helpers
en aan het Pad
dat ik te gaan heb



Today I visited Emporium of wonders, where I had in interesting meeting with House Of Mulani:

They offered the chance to experience my personal commitment ritual: with a lover, friend, spirit, whatever…
I had a wonderful exchange with the ritual facilitator, sharing views on being true:
What does it mean, being true?
In any relationship (at work, with friends, with a lover) it might happen you lose track of your self, your own path, sacrificing your self to bind the other, but losing your own soul will not save any relationship.

So I chose to commit my self to my Self


my self
to my Self
to follow
my personal path
opening my Self
to the Divine

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Labyrinth in Hoftuin Hermitage


Vandaag liep ik tweemaal het Labyrinth in de Hoftuin van de Hermitage, met de intentie om me te bezinnen op terugkerende themas in relationele sfeer.
Het labyrinth meditatief inlopen, ervaar ik vaak als de afdaling van Innanna in de onderwereld.
De eerste ronde deed ik op blote voeten, om de verschillen in de ondergrond goed te kunnen voelen: gras, grind, grote kiezels, houtsnippers, zand…
Gaandeweg voelde ik me gesteund door mijn gidsen en helpers, vooral toen het pad moeizaam werd….
De houtsnippers vond ik verraderlijk, op zich zacht materiaal, maar met het risico van splinters…wat mij doet denken aan bepaalde ontmoetingen waarbij ik me meteen op mijn hoede voel omdat het te mooi lijkt om waar te zijn, en waarbij later ook blijkt dat het te mooi was om waar te zijn.
Het zand was wel prettig onder mijn voeten, maar deed me ook denken aan de woestijn, dit associeerde ik dan weer aan de barre periodes in mijn relatieleven.
Het grind was vrij neutraal, hier had ik weinig mee…sommige ontmoetingen zijn ook zo: niet koud, niet heet, maar lauw en smakeloos, ze laten geen indruk achter.
De grote kiezels waren confronterend, hier ging ik ook door de moeizame pijnlijke periodes van mijn liefdesleven.
Het gras was een verademing, verkoelend aan mijn voeten, net als de periodes dat alles in een stroom als het ware vanzelf goed gaat…
In het centrum van het labyrinth aangekomen, ervoer ik een moment van rust en genezing. Vele lasten waren van mijn rug verdwenen onderweg…
Na een moment van stilte, werd het weer tijd om het labyrinth uit te lopen, een stuk lichter, en met de gewaarwording dat mijn gidsen en helpers bij me bleven.

De tweede ronde deed ik met mijn schoenen aan. Nu kon ik me meer concentreren op de visuele schoonheid van het labyrinth.
Vooral de grote kiezels vielen me nu op! Aha!
De stukken in mijn leven, die me de meeste pijn gaven, brachten ook de mooiste ervaringen tegelijkertijd!
In het centrum aangekomen, ervoer ik hoe ik vanuit de allerdiepste bodem van de benedenwereld contact kon maken met de bovenwereld.
Dit was het belangrijkste inzicht dat ik met me mee kon nemen toen ik weer het labyrinth uitging!


Zie ook: Zinnig Noord – Labyrint in Hoftuin: mini-pelgrimage

Consulting the I Ching

I asked the Yi, how to proceed in a specific situation.
The answer was Hex 16 enthusiasm, the two bottom lines are moving.

I Ching : 16. Yü / Enthusiasm

It furthers one to install helpers
	And to set armies marching.
Thunder comes resounding out of the earth:
	The image of ENTHUSIASM.
	Thus the ancient kings made music 
	In order to honor merit,
	And offered it with splendor
	To the Supreme Deity,
	Inviting their ancestors to be present.

Six at the beginning means: Enthusiasm that expresses itself Brings misfortune.
Six in the second place means: Firm as a rock. Not a whole day. Perseverance brings good fortune.

My first impression:
Halt, danger! Do not proceed!

Interesting feedback of a friend on this:
The first thing that struck me in your post was that your interpretation did not seem to answer your question. You asked: “HOW to proceed.” You did not ask: should I proceed? I don’t know the situation, but to me, the question assumes that you are planning to proceed (despite danger or doubt or whatever is causing you to ask) and you want to know the best way…the ‘how’ of proceeding or the best way of proceeding. So saying ‘stop’ would not be an answer to your question. Now, you can always decide, after answering ‘how,’ that you do not want to proceed. But I would look at it first for the answer you asked.
To me the imagery of the trigrams express that you as represented by Earth can be open, flexible, yielding. But the ‘how to approach’ should be like thunder which is to go for it and give it all you got. Proceed with enthusiasm.
Line 1 is at the beginning, which can be a first step or represent not yet taking action. At the beginning of Earth it means that you can take time to consider if this is an action you want to take. You don’t have to be impulsive…but when you do decide, then proceed like thunder.
Line 2 is about making your decision known, perhaps expressing it or sharing it, depending on the situation. Here is where you fix in your mind your determination to proceed. Again, when you decide and become determined, then how to proceed is like thunder. I do not feel it tells you to stop, but to make up your mind before you proceed. And when you do make up your mind. You can still choose not to proceed, but once you have the surety and the determination then the ‘how’ is to proceed like thunder.

My thoughts on this:
Consulting the oracle for myself is always tricky, that’s why I asked feedback from friends.
My real question is hiding behind the visible one, the true question was: should I proceed with dating?
My own intrepretation of the oracle shows my own insecurity.
The more useful intrepretation tells me to do some deep soul-searching: is this really a situation I want to continue? What do I really want?
As soon as I acknowledge my real desire, I have to act on it.

Recently I made a trance-journey in the netherworld, this showed me the need to confront some shadows from my past. Old fears, behavioral patterns, defence-mechanisms.

Source: I Ching : 16. Yü / Enthusiasm


This is my deepest wish for now: being TOGETHER with my beloved, to share our lifepath.

Challenge: TRUST.
What is witholding me, what is blocking me to open up to Spirit?
lack of trust, fear to be taken, loss of control, having to sacrifice my heart’s blood.
My meetings with messengers from the Otherworld often have been intense:
Having the messenger of death riding on my shoulders, to cut the silver thread of the dying…
Not an easy task, but a necessary task to easy the suffering.

Standing meditation:  Observing my feelings & thoughts, clouds passing by.
BEAR comes through my body. 
Greetings, Healer!
This is the road to be taken…

What might happen if I dare to trust:
growing up, becoming stronger, cleaning up the old mess.

Storytelling my dreamquest:
Going down the rabbit hole, falling down into the Otherworld…
Meeting the bloodyminded headhunting Queen of Swords.
Here rules Lady Death, Santa Muerte
What is she hiding behind her skull-mask?
Her palace is build with human bones.
The good, the bad and the ugly…all come here in the end.
What is she baking in her oven?
Certainly not apple-pie but flesh and bone ‘double double toil and trouble’ in her Cauldron.
Here comes the harvest from the killing fields, the sacrifice from Slaughterhouse Five.
Here is the boulevard of the Broken Dreams.
Death and taxes I can trust, they are unavoidable.
At least we all end up here for a long stay to rest.

This is Hell, not as seen by the followers of the White Christ.
This is the home of Hulda, Hel, Frau Holle.
She stirs her Cauldron until the the mixture becomes a thick dough, she kneads the dough into buns, then put them in her Oven until they become babies to be sent out again in the world of the living.
Is this the endless cycle of the wheel of Karma, neverending Samsara?
The path of the Buddha: renouncing the world, disconnect from society…is not my path.
Neither is the path of the White Christ: to surrender to the one and only true path according to their priests.

So this is my path: to journey into the dark, confronting shadows, bringing light in dark corners. Sharing my vision in community…